Checking In!

My computer is acting up and is not letting me download or upload my pictures to anywhere! I am so mad, but wanted to post on here about my day.
Today G called his grandma. I told him he should because he didn't call on Christmas or anything. He called her and they were on the phone for over an hour. I was so happy, but at the same time sad. I heard him say how "Foster Care really sucks" and "I don't want to be in it anymore." I was sad to hear it. I know it sucks to be in Foster Care, but I was hoping that we were making it a little bit easier on him? I was just so sad to hear him talk to his grandma like that. I heard him answering questions about us, which made me wonder if she was thinking it was OUR fault that he felt like this. I don't know. So, I have been thinking about it all day and it's hard NOT to take it personal, even though I know I shouldn't.
The other thing was as soon as he got off the phone he asked if he could call his social worker? I said "Sure, Why?" and he said because he needed to talk to her about weekend visits with his Grandma. I had to remind him that I did call her a when he first got here and asked if he was able to have weekend visits and she said "no." I told him that everything he has asked me, I have called her and asked. So, I told him that if he wants to, he can call and discuss it with her himself so he can hear her answer too. He said "ok." So that is what I am going to do. Call his social worker on Wed of next week. It might be something he needs to hear straight from her instead of me. There are reasons why his grandma can't have him for the weekend, but he fails to see that. So, I have been trying to go over everthing in my head, wondering why this has offended me or bothered me so much, but it has. This is why I changed this blog to my journal. Just hoping to get things off my chest. I know how hard it is to be away from family and I know this sucks for him greatly, please don't think that I am insensitive at all to G's feelings. I totally know how he feels at this moment. I just was hoping deep down inside that we were making it just a little bit easier while he is going through this.
Tonight my prayer is for G. Lord, I know this is a tough time for him, to be completly away from ALL of this family. I pray that you give G a peace in knowing that eventually things will get better. I know this is not where he wants to be Lord, no matter how badly "I" wish that he would. I lift up G's family to you Lord, that his mom realizes the turmoil she is putting her child through and would get plan done so they can all be together again. I want to lift up all children in foster care, wishing deep down inside they could be with their family. G is a different situation due to him being older and having been attached to some of his family members. Please Lord, give him a peace and joy, until they can be re-united again one day. I pray that you give me the wisdom to know what to say or do when he is feeling blue like this. It just breaks my heart.
Thank you for all that you have done and for bringing G into our lives. ONe way or the other, I know that You have a plan for G and for us. In Jesus' name we pray....
Amen...
P.S. I am loving WW and have seen a small difference on the scale already. I know it is cause I am down to ONE Mt Dew a day, the rest is water! Tonight I came in under my points by 1! So I am just quiting while I am ahead! Tomorrow I am back to the gym! Wish me luck!

It's Not A Diet...

Christmas was great! I will share pictures in my next post. Christmas Day I came down with some kind of stomach bug, so I haven't been feeling really well at all. It sucked being sick on Christmas, but I still enjoyed the day. The kids woke up and was so shocked to see the tree so full of presents. They wanted to skip breakfast to get straight to the presents. I will post it all tomorrow though.
While feeling sick on Christmas I decided that I was tired of feeling unhappy with myself. I kept seeing the commercial about "It's not a Diet" from Weight Watchers. I have done Weight Watchers before and totally agree with their plan. It is the most healthy way of losing weight, but it's also a great way to learn to eat healthy too. So, I signed up for a week free with the online Weight Watchers. It's only been a couple of days and I am happy with my choice! I feel a little better, but am not totally going without. I am hoping this will at least help me to eat healthier. I am sure it will help me not feel so tired all the time too. I have anemia and it can get really bad when I don't eat right.
So I am starting my New Year's resolution a little earlier. I am hoping by blogging about it that I will be held a little more accountable. I have to track my points online and even though I ate THREE pieces of pizza last night, I still logged them in. It really makes a difference seeing it right in front of your face all that you have consumed in a day!
Hope everyone enjoyed their Holiday's! WE sure did! We are hoping to ring in the New YEar with all our friends. I am praying that this next year will bring LOTS of changes. More of that to come later in Feb! I will keep you posted!

As always, I am going to end in prayer. My prayer today is for my family in the next year. I pray that we continue seeking the Lord's Will NO MATTER what it is and no matter what WE think it should be. Lord, I lift our Church up to You right now. You know our struggles and what we need to do to make our Church better. I pray for the Holy Spirit to rain down on our Church Lord and revive our Faith in this next year.
Thank You for all that you have done and all the blessings you have bestowed upon us, we know we are not always deserving Lord. I give you all the praise for all that this next year is going to bring, no matter what it is Lord....I thank you in advance for this next year. Please be with our men and women overseas as they continue to fight this war away from their families and loved ones. I pray a hedge of protection around them. I also want to thank you for dying on the cross for me and my sins. As we finish celebrating Your birth and we soon move on to celebrating Your dying on the cross for us, I pray that we continue to focus on You and the true meaning of these Holiday's. Thank You for continuing to give me strength to do all that I can to spread Your Word Lord and what you have to offer. In all these things we pray.....IN Jesus' name...
Amen

Where did my Baby go??

Just thought I would get on here real quick and share this video of Jaelyn. She cracks me up! She always has something funny to say, or running around singing, or just dancing around the house. I KNOW this girl is going to be in entertainment someday. I PRAY that it's for the Lord! That would be awesome.

I am so torn emotionally with her cause I look at her and am so excited that she is growing up and becoming such a precious little girl, but then I get upset cause I am losing one of my babies. It is even more sad because there isn't another baby replacing this baby...Jaelyn is it. I am coming into a new stage in my life and am not sure how to take it. Some days are exciting, while other days are very depressing. In October Steve and I went up to the Maternity ward to visit our friends (young) that just had their first baby. As we walked through the doors I got emotional knowing that I won't ever be on the other side again. It is a one way door for me from now on and that just broke my heart. It is final with us (I had my tubes tied last c-section) so there is a finality about the whole thing, but I am looking forward to the time I am going to have with my husband one day. I will have him all to myself! We don't know or at least can't remember what that is like!

So here is a video of my little girl that keeps me entertained for now, until that day that she has to leave me and start that wonderful journey in her life called school. I cherish every moment I get with my kids knowing that time goes by way to fast. Even in the tough moments, I try to think that one day I will miss ALL of these moments. Chelsea is growing up too fast also and I want to look back when she is grown and not regret one moment of missing any part of her life.

So now I am introducing....Ms. Jaelyn Kaye Ousley LIVE!!!!

Oh My....

I can't believe it but I am actually sitting here with nothing to do! It feels GREAT! Finally a minute to sit and relax for a minute.

So I thought I would catch up on here! We have had a busy week. I love all the holiday stuff going on right now. Saturday I got up early in the morning and headed out to Curves for a show. I had a table display up for a few hours. It was so much fun hanging around a bunch of ladies so motivated to work out and stay in shape! WOW! I need some of that determination back too! After Curves, I went home and snatched up the clan and headed to Benecia for "Foster A Dream." It was great after we FINALLY got there. My biggest complaint about California is traffic! Oh my goodness...it was horrible and there were accidents everywhere! Anyways, we arrived and the kids were taken on a tour of Christmas wonderland in a warehouse. It was great. They left with so many goodies and great gifts for each of them. Next year, I am going to volunteer for the program because I think what they are doing is such a great and wonderful thing. It was started by a lady that grew up in Foster care.

Then On Sunday, the big day, we got to Churh early and got ready for the musical. This year my preschoolers sang up on stage two songs! I was so nervous for them and that they wouldn't do well, but it was a HIT! I am soooo proud of my preschoolers. They worked so hard on their songs and did such a great job! I just am so proud. Jaelyn did a great job, most of the kids had to be bribed to sing loud up on the stage by their parents! It was so hysterical. Then after the preschoolers were done, the older children took the stage and performed a great great musical. They did so good. Tyler sang his heart out up on that stage. He is so handsome and I just can't get over how much he has grown!

Thank you for all of your prayers. I don't have any answers yet to everything going on with me, but hopefully soon. I have a few friends and family members that could use some prayers, so please pray for them. The Holiday's are such a great and awesome time for families,but it can also be tough times for everyone. I just lift those people up in prayer today, those who don't have the means to be with their families this time of year. Also lift those up that have lost loved ones this past year and will be without them. It is never easy to be without your loved ones....never. I just want to take this time to praise God for my family and that we are together for this year. I am going to focus on what I have now and not focus on what may be next year or there after. Thank you Jesus for all the blessings I have had this year. I just want to lift those up to that are struggling at this time of year whether it's financially or emotionally due to some kind of loss. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I also pray that everyone remembers what the "TRUE" meaning of Christmas is suppose to be about, not about the decorations, the gifts, or the amount of money spent on everyone, it's suppose to be about the birth of Jesus Christ. I pray that if anyone doesn't get anything else this year for Christmas, they at least get that message. I pray all these things in Your name, In Jesus' name I pray...Amen.

This video is of my preschoolers singing "Jingle Bell Jesus." It is so cute and adorable. The kids made their shirts (which are hard to see) and one of the moms made bracelets for each of the children with bells on them. It turned out so great. Jaelyn is on the bottom left and you can hear her voice very well when they sing the "Jingle Bells" part! Sorry it's so bouncy, but Steve had to do the video because I was up on the side of the stage directing the kids, but he was laughing so hard he made the video bounce around!! Enjoy though!

Tyler is on the bottom left also. You can see how much he really likes doing this. He is the youngest out of all the kids in this group. I was a proud mommy on Sunday in Church. They all did great!

Happy Birthday Steve

Me and my handsome husband!!!

I just had to get on here really quick and say "Happy Birthday" to my wonderful husband, whom I love with all my heart! He is the best husband in the whole wide world. We are going to go on a "date" Sunday for his birthday cause I pre purchased tickets to see "I am Legend" with Will Smith. It looks scary and I told Steve he can take anyone he wants with him. He said he wants me to go but knows how I am with scary movies. I am going with him of course, but might spend most of the movie hiding my eyes. Yes! I am that big of baby. I just don't like those Sci-Fi movies that "could" come true. Some can be really scary. I will let you know how it is. I am a HUGE Will Smith fan!!!

I was listening to the radio tonight and a song came on "I'll Be Home For Christmas" and they had people talking from Iraq during the song saying "hi" to their families and children saying "hi" to their fathers or mothers in Iraq. It was the saddest and most humbling thing I have ever heard....it really humbled me. I am so grateful that I have my husband here with us for Christmas this year and my heart just goes out to those families that are away from their loved ones during the Holiday season. My girlfriend here on base has five children and her huband is in Iraq right now. Luckily she has family close to be with during the Holiday season, but it's still not the same.

Please keep all those men and women in your prayers that are away from their families not just during the Holiday's but always. I know from Steve that it doesn't even seem like Christmas when they are over there, that has to be rough. Our second Christmas in our marriage, Steve had to go to Saudi Arabia. It was the worst Christmas ever, but more so for him. I hated every minute of it. There are many things that you can do to help during the Holiday seasons that goes towards our men and women in the Military, then I suggest to do it. Whether it's sending a card or even buying a Calling card, please do what you can. I know whatever it is, it will be greatly appreciated.

On a side note, G had a GREAT visit with his grandma and Uncle. Guess what? His mom even showed up! He was so happy that he cried cause he didn't bring her a present. I told him that it wasn't his fault because he didn't know that she was going to be there. So we are going to make sure to get her a gift for his next visit, which I think is suppose to be next week. I really pray that she sticks to her word. This poor boys whole life has been full of disappointment and I don't want him to have anymore than he already has.

Thank you Lord for protecting our men and women each day. I thank you for a great visit for G and his family. He was so excited Lord to see his mom yesterday that it just brought joy to my heart to hear him so happy. I just pray for G's mother Lord, she needs you and so does his family. I pray that you give me the wisdom and the words to minister to this family. I thank you for bringing G into our life right now, especially during the Holiday's so we can show him the true meaning of Christmas. Please be with those who are far away from their families serving our Country Lord. I just pray a hedge of protection around them. Thank you for all that you have done and all that you are going to do.

In Jesus' name we pray.....

Amen

A couple of prayer requests....

Just a short post to ask for prayer for G tomorrow. After school he is going for a visit with his brother and sister to see his Grandma. He called and talked to Grandma last week and she said she got him a bunch of gifts. I am just praying this is true. I don't know the grandma at all, so I am not saying she didn't get the gifts, but I know how badly G's heart will be crushed. It's not really that he is getting gifts, it's that his GRANDMA thought about him and got him gifts. That's why I believe he is so excited. I truly believe he is missing his family. Although he says he doesn't like his mom and calls her a liar, he has been talking a whole lot about her the past few days. My heart just breaks for this young boy, who is need of his mother. I am doing the best I can to be there for him. Today he gave me a great big hug and I just felt so lucky. He isn't an affectionate child, so I let him take the lead. He does have a great big heart though. We went to Steve's Christmas party at work yesterday and the kids all got to stuff animals. G made his and said he was giving it to his grandma for Christmas. What a sweet kid! He really is and I am so proud to have him as my son right now. I know that he isn't here forever and I am trying not to get too emotionally involved, but how can I not? I am just trying not to think too much of the day he might leave and just focusing on today.
My second prayer request is an unspoken one. I am not going to go into detail on here cause it is personal, but please keep me in your prayers in the next couple of weeks. I have some things going on and tests being done, so please keep me in your prayers. I know that our God is an awesome God and I just want to praise Him all the time.
Today our message in Church was wonderful. It was all about Faith and how we should give praise before our blessings instead of after, which is so true. So that is what I am going to focus on this week is praising God for everything in advance. I am guilty of praising Him after everything is all said and done, instead of during the trial like I should be.
Lord I just ask you to work on my heart this week. Help me to focus more on You, like I should be Lord. Help me to take more time to read Your Word and spend more time in prayer. All I want in my life is to be like You and to fullfill Your Will in my life, whatever that should be. I want to give you all the praise and Glory in advance for all that You are going to do. I lift up G and my kids to you tonight, that they strive to grow closer to You and to work towards being Godly men and woman one day. I also want to lift my special prayer request Lord. You know what is going on and I just ask for your guidance in everything. I lift my Church up to You Lord. Right now is a trying time for us, but I believe- FAITHFULLY that You will see us through this storm. You already know the outcome Lord. I thank You for that.
I pray for all those Children out there that may not have a family to celebrate Your birth with this year, all of the boys and girls that are in foster care, waiting adoption, and all the children in other countries waiting to come home to their forever families, I pray that you be with them since their loved ones can't Lord.
I give you all the praise and the Glory. In Jesus' name I pray....
Amen

Who Am I??

This post is going to be a little different. I don't think you really get to know a person just through their blog posts. I want to share with you a few things about who I am.

Who Am I?

I am a mother to three beautiful biological children and a mother to one foster son. Am I always a perfect mother...no, but I try my best everyday to do the best I can with my children. It hasn't always been an easy road on my motherhood journey, but it has been very rewarding. I want to give my children love and joy in their life everyday. My childhood wasn't always great (some my fault but most of it not my fault) so it is hard for me to know the right thing to do with my children because I haven't had an example to follow. I pray daily for the Lord to guide me in the right things to say and do for my children and that's all I can do. Follow His lead....

Who Am I?

I am a woman that struggles with her self image and self esteem too. Most of my life I have been a skinny person and could eat what I wanted without it catching up to me. When I was 16 my first job was working at McDonald's. I ate there on my break EVERYDAY!!! Sometimes twice a day and I didn't gain an ounce!! What happened? Now I just look at the food and I gain ten pounds. A daily thing I struggle with is my weight. It seems the more I gain, the more I get away from eating healthy. I struggle with my self-talk in my head and what I tell myself. This is something that I am working on each day. It isn't an easy thing to work on and right now I am in a real slump with my weight. This is yet another thing that I pray about. Soon enough I will get really depressed about how much weight I have put on and start eating healthy again and working out. I love working out when I do it. Just right now with school and four kids....there isn't any time!

Who Am I?

I am the wife of the most loving, caring man in the whole wide world. I tell you, God truly blessed me with this man. It has been TEN and a half years that we have been together (married eight) and our relationship is still going strong and healthy. We were truly meant to be together. Is our relationship always perfect....no, but we have made some rules in our relationship and it works for us. 1. We don't leave each other mad. 2. Communication- always communicate. It is the number one problem in relationships. 3. We don't yell at each other. These are things that have worked for us and so far, so good. I am blessed to have such a supportive husband in everything I do. He has learned to let me make my mistakes myself cause that's how I learn. He stepped up to the plate and is a father to Chelsea, even at a young age. This man never thought twice about taking on the role as Chelsea's father. There aren't words that can describe how much I love this man for doing this. It makes him even more of a special man in my eyes. I am grateful each and every day that I have him because I have learned a tough lesson in my life about how short life can be and we never know what tomorrow holds. I make sure to tell Steve every day and every time we hang up the phone that I love him because if something ever happened to him, those words, I hope he remembers.

Who Am I?

I am a loving, compassionate person that gives with my whole heart and also hurt with my whole heart too. I want to save the world, yet don't know how to just yet. My first step, foster care. I pray that if I can't save the world, then I will start with the child that has been trusted to me. I know that G came into our life for a reason. I pray each and everyday that I show Jesus to him and teach him about our Savior. I have noticed great change in him just since he has been here and I love it. One thing is that when he first came into our home he would say "Oh my God", so I had to explain to him that we don't say that in our house. "Gosh" is a better word choice. It took him a couple of weeks, but I overheard him the other day and he said "Oh my Gosh." I was so proud of him. Another thing he did the other day is run in and tell me that he was sorry because on the way home he accidentally said a bad word. He knew that I didn't like that and told on himself! What a great accomplishment! I am praying that these little things eventually turn into BIG things, like accepting Jesus as his Savior. That is my ultimate prayer before he leaves my home.

Who Am I?

I am a person that is always striving to be better in everything I do. I was not born with great talent at all. Sometimes this can get to me when there isn't much I am good at, so I try to take time to focus on the things I am good at. One thing I can say about myself is that I LOVE kids and feel that I am good with them! I just know how important it is to build a good foundation with children because even though we may not see it, one day it will benefit them! I love running the preschool program at our Church and teaching the children about Jesus. Sometimes I let the small things steal my joy and this is something that I am working on. I am also striving to be a better Christian woman everyday. Is my prayer life where I want it to be... no. Do I always act like Jesus....no. Do I read my Bible as much as I should...no. I do know that I am trying my best to be the best Christian woman, mother, wife, friend, family, that I can possibly be. Is it always easy...no, but I know Jesus knows my heart and can see that I am trying each and every day to become better. Will it be good enough...I PRAY it is.

Who Am I?
I am a complete animal lover! My dream (and my husband laughs at me and tells me I better get a good job) it to have a farm! Yes, a farm BUT I don't want to use my animals for meat. I want two of a few animals, so they have company and that's it! The first thing I will get on my farm is two horses. My dream has always been to have a horsse. I love horses! I use to ride up in the mountains with my girlfriend in the Azores and it was sooo much fun. I just loved it. I haven't been able to ride much here, but plan on it soon. So, now you know my corky dream of having a farm! It will be a nice farm and all the animals will have plenty of space to run and enjoy life. I want my children to grow up learning to love animals. Chelsea already has said that she wants to be a Vetinarian (which will be great for my farm....ha ha) one day. I hope that she accomplishes this goal or any other goal she sets for herself...all of my children. Anything is possible, no matter how old you are! Look at me!!

Who Am I?

I enjoy reading and writing, but am not always good at it. I love it though and no matter how much I think I am not good at it, I am going to continue on. I never know who might come across this blog and they might hear the encouraging words that they need to hear.

What you see is what you get with me. I am not perfect, but I never will claim to be.

Jesus I just want to thank you for all that you have blessed me with. I pray that you help me focus on the positive things about myself and not the negative. I know that I will never be completly like you because I am human, but I want to be as close as possible. Thank you for my family, friends, and church family you have blessed me with and I just lift them up to you right now Lord.

Please forgive me of my sins Lord cause you know what they are. I thank you for being an Almighty God and I give you all the praise and the Glory!

In Jesus' name...

Amen

Feeling really bad...

I have not been feeling myself since we got back from our trip. I actually am not sure if I am fighting a cold/flu or if I am just extremely jet-lagged. It is horrible cause one minute I feel fine and the next my head is spinning. I am probably going to make myself a doctor's appt this week if I don't start feeling any better.
That is not the only reason I am feeling bad though. Yesterday G finally got through to his grandma on the phone. He has tried a couple of times to contact her without getting through to her. So he chatted on the phone with her for a little while. It was interesting to hear him talk to her about all the things he has done since he has been here. He also talked all about flying (sitting in the cockpit) and our trip. I actually felt bad for his grandma to sit and listen to all the fun he is having while away from his family. After he hung up the phone he said he really wants to see his grandma and she really wants to see him. I told him that as soon as his SW sets up something we will make sure it happens. I also told him that if we don't hear from his SW (county not our agency) then I will contact her and let her know that he wants to see her. G started talking about all these things his grandma claimed to have got him and that "She knows me and what I like." I know that he didn't intend to hurt my feelings, but in a way it did. We have been doing everything we can to make him have a happy stay here and it just seemed like he didn't even think about that. But I am a big girl and once I got over the initial hurt of his words, I knew that he just really misses his grandma and being apart of his family. They DO know him, way better than I do, so I shouldn't get offended by that statement at all. I am just going to continue what I am doing and that is getting to know G more and more everyday. He wants to see his grandma so badly. I have a feeling that this is the one and only person that he connects with. He tells me all the time that he doesn't want to go back to his mom and he doesn't like her at all. I know he has a lot of angry feelings towards her, but this just breaks my heart when he talks like that. He calls her a liar all the time. I would be so heartbroken if one of my kids said that about me. I also am not sure what to say when he says these things. Today I told him to have faith, that maybe she might get her act together and he shook his head and said "nope, she won't and never will." That just broke my heart. Maybe I shouldn't tell him to have faith, maybe he is right about her? I just am not sure what to say to him when he says these things about his mom, cause after all she is still his mom. It has been six weeks since he has seen her or had any contact with her and I feel horrible. I know deep down inside he wants to talk to her and tell her about what he has been doing, but at the same time he is angry with her for not stepping up and being a mom. Poor guy. This is why I am fighting so badly for him to be in counseling. I don't have all the answers, and he needs someone that he can share all of his feelings with about the whole situation. Hopefully something happens this week.
Now on to my next pre-teen, Chelsea. She has become soooo boy crazy all of the sudden. She has a boy that lives two houses down from us that she really likes. From what I hear, he likes her too. SHe is WAAAAY too young to be thinking about boys already. I have sat her down and told her that she is too young. It's ok to like boys, but not think about having a relationship! We just can't get through to her about it though. I am praying about it too, but it is just driving me crazy. The worst part is that she gets all emotional about the whole thing and starts crying whenever we talk to her about it. Steve told her the other night, that she better tone it down with this boy cause he doesn't want HIM to step in! Ohhhh I didn't expect this to happen just yet. I just don't want her to be anything like me when I was that age. THe thing I have on my side is that I am teaching her about Jesus and being a Godly woman, where my parents didn't. I just have to do lots of praying during these pre-teen years. A friend from church that has grown children told me that I wasn't going to like her for the next few years. She even said at some times I might Hate her....hopefully not, but I am sure there will be some strong feelings from both of us.
Tonight we took our Christmas picture, but sadly I can't post it on here. G is in the picture with us of course. I need to check with our SW worker to see if we can even put him on our Christmas cards. If not, then there won't be a picture this year on our cards. That's ok. THis is what I signed up for. Whatever it takes to make him feel apart of our family.
Tonight I am lifting up my children in prayer. I know this is selfish, but I want to take the time to lift them up in prayer. Lord I give you G, Chelsea, Tyler, and Jaelyn tonight. I pray for them to make Godly decisions throughout their lives Lord and to be pleasing to You. I thank you for trusting these precious children to me and Steve and I pray that you continue to give us the wisdom to raise them up into Godly adults. I pray that they surrender all to you one day Lord.
Thank you for all that you have done for them Lord and I pray that you continue to keep them safe. I want to thank you for my family. I am thankful each and every day that I have them with me. I am grateful for each day that we spend together and the memories that we create. You are an almighty God and I give you all the praise and the Glory.
In Jesus' name we pray....
Amen