A little about my girl....Chelsea..

Chelsea Renee' Ousley.....

Sorry it's taking me so long to do this post. I have been thinking about it alot and wasn't sure what all I wanted to make public on here. There are just some things that are a little private. I do want to share about Chelsea though, but might leave some things out.....

I knew when Chelsea was born that she was going to have a mind of her own. I was in labor with Chelsea for a while and had dialated to 8cm, when I was checked by a nurse (the doctor didn't figure it out) and she thought she felt a bottom instead of a head! I was in such shock and so scared (I was only EIGHTEEN by the way) about what was going to happen next. They did an ultrasound and sure enough, Chelsea was bottom first! Now even though I was only eighteen, I had spent the past nine months reading "What to expect when Expecting." I read the WHOLE book from cover to cover, BUT had skipped the C-section part cause I knew that didn't apply to me! I was devasted at first when I learned I had to have a C-section and terrified all at the same time. But the moment I saw Chelsea and heard her cry her first cry, I completly forgot about how I had her and focused on how beautiful she was.

Chelsea was great as an infant and was a good baby, but her strong-willed personality didn't take long to shine through. Her toddler years came along and sure enough it wasn't not a fun time for me. You have to understand that before Chelsea even turned two I went through a traumatic event. I am not going into details, but this affected the way I parented Chelsea for a year or so. It wasn't easy during Chelsea's toddler years for me for many reasons, I wasn't even grown up myself, I was still in a selfish mode, and I also went through a depression. I regret how I handled the traumatic event with Chelsea and feel that sometimes I might have neglected her emotionally. These are regrets I will have to live with for the rest of my life. I have had some counseling for the past six months or so to deal with alot of things and have learned that no matter how much I feel like I messed up during those toddler years, we can still recover from it.

I knew from the moment Chelsea started daycare that she was a little different then the rest of the kids. Don't get me wrong I didn't think she was mentally disabled or anything, but I knew she wasn't exactly like the other children. Chelsea started school in England, they start at the age of FOUR there. This is when things progressed to get worse. At the age of four, I had to have a one on one relationship with her teacher because she couldn't behave at all. She couldn't control herself in class and did what she wanted, when she wanted. It continued from there and by the fourth grade it moved over into her academics. She not only struggled behaviorally, but academically too. Steve and I were so frustrated and confused as to what to do. I remember one time we resorted to wiping out her WHOLE room (I never said we were perfect parents ok) no toys, tv, no stuffed animals, barbies, NOTHING! It was all wiped out and gone. We told her at the end of each week, if she behaved, she could get one thing back. Do you think that girl got one item back? Nope. She could care less, once it was out of sight it was out of mind.

Fast forward to the sixth grade...just last year. Chelsea struggled mostly academically, but still had behavior problems at home too. She was improving some in her behavior that I thought AND PRAYED that she was growing out of this phase that she had been in HER WHOLE LIFE. I couldn't figure out if she struggled with her academics due to laziness or just because she didn't get it. I want you to understand that I think our society is so overly-medicated. Don't take offense to this if you are on medicine because I have had to resort to anti-depressents once when Steve was gone for six months. It truly helped me and I don't put anyone down that is on meds. It's just that I think children are so overly diagnosed these days and the doctors are so quick to throw them on meds for a quick fix. In the back of my mind I had this feeling that Chelsea needed to be on some type of medication though.To me it seemed there wasn't any reason that a 11 or 12 year old should be throwing temper tantrums like a TWO year old. It was pretty bad at times and I mostly blamed her behavior on her missing Steve while he was deployed.

Now learning more about ADD and how it affects a person's impulse control, I can see that this it wasn't just the deployment her her being lazy. I sometimes thought it stemmed back to her toddler years when I wasn't a great mother. It could have a little to do with it, but not too much. Anyways, last year in the sixth grade Chelsea passed to the 7th grade. I was baffled. I couldn't believe after all the horrible grades I saw all year that they passed her to the next grade. I was hoping that a teacher would speak up about Chelsea and possibly tell me to take her to get her tested. Why I was in such a denial, I am not sure. I just was so focused on making sure my child was not medicated and I think I overlooked alot of things...I was in denial.

So we all know how hard 7th grade can be. All I heard when Chelsea was in 6th grade was how rough and miserable Middle School is for the child and parents. I was not looking forward to this year at all. I knew it was going to be a struggle from the start and sure enough Chelsea proved me right. Her first report card she got all F's. Yes, F's.Steve and I were so unhappy with her and didn't think we could go through another year of this again. In fact we had decided, we weren't going to. I met with Chelsea's teachers to start a daily contact with each of them to be sure that Chelsea was doing her work each day and turning it in. After that meeting, things still didn't improve liked I had hoped, so I made her an appt at the Hospital to see our PCM. Dr. Kearny was so wonderful and put so many of my fears to rest. They gave us survey's to give each teacher and one for the parents to fill out. It was questions about Chelsea's focus, impulsivness (sp) and academics. I knew as soon as I filled out the survey that they were going to diagnose her with ADD. I was heartbroken, but in a way relieved. Finally. I had an answer. Then I was so upset with myself that I had waited so long to take this first step. How horrible of me to put Chelsea through this all these years, but I couldn't focus on all those negative feelings and had to start focusing on how Steve and I were going to make it better. They sent her to the Child Psychologist at the hospital here on base and talked to Chelsea and I about ADD. He explained to Chelsea in a way so she understood what we were talking about. He actually compared it to needing glasses, which I thought was brilliant. So he confirmed the Doctor's diagnosis and they prescribed her medicine.... that horrible word I had been dreading.

Chelsea has been on her meds now for over a month. Let me tell you what a difference this has made. Her grades are moving UP! Yes, UP! Finally! She is able to sit at the table and get her homework done in a reasonable time instead of sitting there all night long. Her behavior has improved so much at home and at school too. She is able to get her planner signed by EACH of her teachers without me having to remind her on a daily basis. These things may seem minor to most parents, but not us! This morning I was awaken by Chelsea standing at my door trying to get Samson out of my room. I looked at my clock and it was 5:15 in the morning. I asked her what she was doing and she said she was done sleeping and was ready to get up for the day. I told her to wake G up at 6:45 to get ready for school and I would be down later. I woke up again about 6:50 and heard water running downstairs. I came down and there was Chelsea in the kitchen all ready for school, doing the dishes for me! She had reorganized the cupboard with all the dishes and had the kitchen cleaned. She then told me that she had taken G's and Tyler's temperature and told me what it was! I was in such shock that I just hugged her! I couldn't believe what a difference there was in her. Now don't get me wrong, things aren't perfect with Chelsea. This medicine doesn't have some kind of magical powers to transform her into the perfect child, but it has improved her in so many ways and I am just thankful.

Sorry this was such a long post. I have been wanting to get this off of my chest for a while. Chelsea has grown into such a beautiful young lady right before my eyes. It makes me sad and long for that little girl again, but I am also looking forward to our wonderful friendship that we will have as adults.